parenting

7 Drinks to Pair With Your Child’s Favorite TV Show

 

Where I live, it snowed for the first time yesterday. I wasn’t anticipating snow before Halloween, so my toddler didn’t have a snowsuit that fit, and we quarantined ourselves inside with our Marble Maze and a shape sorter. When cabin fever got to her, my two year old asked if she could watch TV… and I said yes.

For days when you let your kiddo watch a little bit more TV than you’d like, here’s a handy list of alcoholic drinks you can pair with their most annoying favorite shows.




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My toddler’s favorite… so my own personal hell. How can she get away with being so bossy?! And why do they keep letting Daddy Pig navigate when he always gets lost? I hate Peppa Pig and want to turn her whole family into bacon to put in a Bloody Mary.


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Imagination Movers fills the hole in your TV routine where
The Wiggles used to be, but oh boy was that a downgrade. I hate their stupid blue suits and that guy’s new mohawk.


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It’s like a bad acid trip. And besides, you deserve it for putting up with the “little green guy” Brobee. He’s so miserable that he has an entirely separate costume with a frown.


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I rue the day that hot dog dance was created. The whole show is basically a 22 minute commercial for the Disney Store. Just hope you can down a 6 pack of Not Your Father’s Root Beer in that time without going into diabetic shock. Honestly, even Clarabella Cow from this show can make the voice of Dora’s Map sound like Morgan Freeman.


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Grandma makes an appearance every now and then, but where are the parents? Ruby misses out on all the things her teenage bunny friends are doing since her parents are absentees and she has to take care of Max… which makes her a sanctibunny and a bunny martyr. Worst combo ever.


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Really, what kind of parents let their six year old run off with just a backpack and a map? Take a shot every time your toddler throws a tantrum because he or she has already told Dora that the mountain is RIGHT BEHIND her blind ass four times.


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I once told a friend that I would rather have a free punch in the face than a free shot of Burnett’s. If you let your child watch Caillou, let’s be real: you deserve to suffer. To add insult to injury, put it on the rocks instead of taking a shot so you can really savor it.




 

Of course, drink responsibly until your toddler is in bed. When they’re safely asleep, you can let your inner Annalise Keating come out.

What TV show does your child like that you can’t stand? Let me know in the comments!

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2 thoughts on “7 Drinks to Pair With Your Child’s Favorite TV Show

    1. Thanks, Liz! I’ve heard mixed reviews about Paw Patrol… I’m hoping we can just skip all the kid’s TV and go right for Big Brother or The Mindy Project so I can have someone to chat about my favorite shows with.

      Like

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